so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
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There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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