Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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