My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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