I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize