that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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