sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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