mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize