let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize