Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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