i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have aggressive nipples.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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