I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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