sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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