operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize