Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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