Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize