he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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