i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize