if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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