apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize