I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize