fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize