You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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