sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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