remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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