oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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