May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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