Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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