We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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