I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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