"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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