Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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