Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
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