coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
