i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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