just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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