any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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