dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I supernannyed him into submission
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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