I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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