If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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