I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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