Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize