I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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