I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize