I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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