Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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