please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize