I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize