the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize