oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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