I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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