This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Panties = found
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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