Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize